American Idol - The Boys

Oh goody! The numbers are down to a manageable figure and I can finally take up one of my most favouritest activities in the whole world: criticizing!! I mean... critiquing.

Our first bunch: The Boys.

Venezuela Rudy: I've already forgotten him. But I do remember that giant target on his shirt. Kinda asking for it, I'd say. Yeah, he's a goner.

Background Brandon: Oh brother. Another one of these "let me look deeply into your eyes and then you'll fall under my spell and vote for me" guys. Seriously, that just makes me look away uncomfortably. I didn't like his voice as much this time around. And I do hope that whole "You're a lead singer now!" hooplah will die down soon... it's already gotten old.

Sundance (the Gnome): Hmmm... his voice is lacking some depth, I think. And his face is lacking a razor. This guy just keeps getting pushed through by the producers in hopes that he'll recreate what he did that ONE time in the first audition. (Hey guys? Yeah, thing is, he's been fucking up ever since. Let him loose, 'mkay?)

Barefoot Paul: Yo Paul, lose the gangsta hand movements dawg. It don't fit. Heeey, not a bad voice. Well, except for that high note. Ouch.

Brushcut Chris: Well-spoken, likable dude. Couldn't have picked a worse song (pssstt.... hey Chris, Bo Bice owns that song as of a couple of seasons ago. Don't touch it, k?) Seriously, I wish guys would stay away from those cliche hand moves. And, um, what's with all that bopping up and down? It's looking more "turkey in the straw" than anything else.

Rerun Nick: Love that smoky voice, but it's not working for him right now. His dangling arms are distracting. Maybe they don't work. Oh wait! He just moved them. I think once this guy finds some confidence, he'll do just fine.

Beatbox Blake: LOVE this guy. Humble, sincere, confident... a natural. Someone out there has already started drawing up a contract, in case for some insane reason he doesn't win this thing. He's my pick for the final 2.

Sanjaya: That stretch-o-smile will get old fast. Oh look... it just happened. Nice voice, but wtf is up with that song??? Oh yeah, that's right. His loser sister picked this song for him. Haaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! Revenge much?

Poodle Chris: I just love this guy. Perfect song choice. Clean, authentic voice. Great stage presence, even by not doing much. Whoa... but I think his humour just got ahead of him. Not a smart move to zing the boss, kiddo.

Jared the Fired Waiter: Good-looking. That'll work for him for a bit. But his voice is one-dimensional. He won't be able to sing any other style. At least he's got that waiter experience to fall back on.

A.J.: This year's token gay contestant. Good energy, but I never was one for the "yodel" sound effect - you know, that sort of "country whine". Like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.

Bald Phil: Whoa! Holy crap, dude. You've really got the whole cue-ball thing down pat. May I suggest adding a little something? Perhaps a hat? A bandana? Or some facial hair? An earring or two? But hey.... great voice. And great performance. I think you'll do okay.

Tomorrow night... the girls!