Talk to my lawyer

So this guy in California last week slammed a dump truck into his own car, then tried to sue himself for damages.

It didn't work. I knew it wouldn't, because I tried it once too.

This bitch (me) swung a shovel into my windshield and cracked it. I said it was an accident, but I didn't believe me. I called my insurance company, but they just kept hanging up on me.

I tried to settle out of court, really I did, but I was being so unreasonable and couldn't agree on anything. Finally, I had to get the lawyer involved. After a while, I couldn't seem to get him to return my calls.

I tried one more time to settle with me, but the discussion turned bad really fast, and next thing I know, I get bitch-slapped. Bitch-slapped!! Right there in front of me! Aw man, I was SO pressing assault charges now. Oh yeah... you bet. Like I was gonna let me get away with that???!!

Anyway, I finally just drove down to my lawyer's office, and had my lawyer speak with my lawyer. I ended up having to pay for the damn windshield out of my own pocket.

Hmmpff. So much for victim compensation. What a joke. I hate her.