A little greenside snack

Isn't it funny when you're moving along the fairway, having a pretty good golf game, and then you come upon the 14th green, which is the most remote green on the course, because it's tucked away in the woods, pretty much at the summit of the wee mountain you're on, and you're trying to putt, but this sound is coming from the edge of the woods, so you stop trying to putt because you want to see the pretty deer, but it's not making the usual deer sounds, so you step off the green to get a closer look, because you're curious like that, and you don't want to miss seeing something beautiful in the woods on the edge of the 14th green, and you listen carefully to what might sound like a woodpecker, and as you get closer you say out loud "Jesus, that's the biggest woodpecker I've ever seen!", because you think you're looking at the fuzzy head of a woodpecker, and then you cock your head to the side and say "wait a minute, that's not a woodpecker; that's not even a bird. In fact, it's kinda big. And black", and then it hits you...

You're standing a few feet away from a fucking bear.

So then you stop breathing for a second, and you start walking reeeeeeeally fast towards the golf cart, and you signal your partner to get his ass inside the cart RIGHT NOW, and then you drive off while the colour slowly returns to your cheeks.

(sigh)... so the lesson learned today is: A bear stripping bark off a tree sounds an awful lot like a very big woodpecker in slow motion.