I won! I won!

I won the lottery!!! I can't believe it!!!

Well, okay, not the jackpot. And not the almost-jackpot either. I actually only had a couple of numbers..... but I won $5!!!!!!

According to the lottery's statistics, there were 14,855 of us who won $5. If only those other 14,854 jerks hadn't chosen the same numbers I did, I would have won $74,275... ALL TO MYSELF!!!

Okay, maybe it doesn't work that way, but according to my calculations and statistics, if it wasn't for all those other people infringing on my lottery strategy (and stealing the EXACT SAME NUMBERS that I'm using... the bastards), then I would've won the entire jackpot!!

... if all those other people weren't there.... and the stupid lottery people would've called just a couple more of my numbers. I'd be like... LOADED now!

(sigh) I'm SO tired of getting cheated and ripped off. I'm going to cash in my ticket, collect the $5, and buy another ticket. Only this time, I'm going to pick really obscure numbers that I'm SURE nobody else will think of.

It's all in the strategy...