Know thy neighbour
I'm adding an item on my "things to check into" list while house hunting: Thoroughly inspect neighbours' garages and sheds.
I'm looking for the following clues:
1. ATV parked in the garage or shed.
2. Dirt bike parked in the garage or shed.
3. Evidence of mechanical tools for auto repair or "tuning".
If any of these are present, I will insist on meeting these neighbours before signing anything.
I'm looking for the following clues:
1. One or more male teenagers in the household.
2. Any adult males with a mullett.
It seems no matter where we choose to live, Main Man and I will unknowingly land next to what we call "Clampett Neighbours".
These are families who, through lack of simple class and courtesy, will spend their free time doing one of several things in their driveway or front lawn, such as:
1. Tuning their perfectly fine dirt bike, ATV, snowmobile, car, truck, etc., in as loudly a fashion as possible, with lots of "Rrrrrrrmmmmmm, rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm, RRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMM-MMMMMMMMMM-MMMMmmmmmmm" unnecessary engine revving.
2. Playing very bad music as loudly as possible while tuning said mechanical toy or while washing it for the 4th time in the same week.
We had Clampett Neighbours from 2000-2004 that also included a born-again wife who made it her personal mission to "save" us. When we moved here in 2004... hundreds of miles away... we laaaaaaaaaaaaaaughed and laaaaaaaaaaughed about all the peace and quiet we would finally get in our quaint little suburban rental.
Turns out our new Clampett Neighbours are louder and way more obnoxious than we could have imagined. This morning, I was subjected to (c)rap "music" in the morning while the teenager revved his dirtbike incessantly. Later in the afternoon, it was Dad's turn.... and Dad appears to be a very big fan of 80's glam rock. Dad washed his car and revved his truck to the tunes of a very young Bon Jovi and other gems including Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, and the likes.
I am now an expert Clampett detector. I've studied them in their natural habitat, and I can sniff one out in a second.
There will be no surprises at our new place.
I'm looking for the following clues:
1. ATV parked in the garage or shed.
2. Dirt bike parked in the garage or shed.
3. Evidence of mechanical tools for auto repair or "tuning".
If any of these are present, I will insist on meeting these neighbours before signing anything.
I'm looking for the following clues:
1. One or more male teenagers in the household.
2. Any adult males with a mullett.
It seems no matter where we choose to live, Main Man and I will unknowingly land next to what we call "Clampett Neighbours".
These are families who, through lack of simple class and courtesy, will spend their free time doing one of several things in their driveway or front lawn, such as:
1. Tuning their perfectly fine dirt bike, ATV, snowmobile, car, truck, etc., in as loudly a fashion as possible, with lots of "Rrrrrrrmmmmmm, rrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm, RRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMM-MMMMMMMMMM-MMMMmmmmmmm" unnecessary engine revving.
2. Playing very bad music as loudly as possible while tuning said mechanical toy or while washing it for the 4th time in the same week.
We had Clampett Neighbours from 2000-2004 that also included a born-again wife who made it her personal mission to "save" us. When we moved here in 2004... hundreds of miles away... we laaaaaaaaaaaaaaughed and laaaaaaaaaaughed about all the peace and quiet we would finally get in our quaint little suburban rental.
Turns out our new Clampett Neighbours are louder and way more obnoxious than we could have imagined. This morning, I was subjected to (c)rap "music" in the morning while the teenager revved his dirtbike incessantly. Later in the afternoon, it was Dad's turn.... and Dad appears to be a very big fan of 80's glam rock. Dad washed his car and revved his truck to the tunes of a very young Bon Jovi and other gems including Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, and the likes.
I am now an expert Clampett detector. I've studied them in their natural habitat, and I can sniff one out in a second.
There will be no surprises at our new place.
posted by Berry at 7:20 PM
5 Comments:
I hear ya, sistah. Apparently the people who own the duplex next door in my otherwise quiet neighborhood can only find drug dealers as tenants. We've had a guy growing pot in his backyard while manufacturing meth inside the house and a guy selling illegal substances out of the garage. Nice.
hahahahhaa.
now you see..those are some marketable skills.
how much do you charge by the hour?
My street is never quiet. And it gets the worst after 2am. Car stereos blasting, drunk people screaming obscenities, and large trucks idling. It's like that bad neighborhood from Death Wish 3.
Just ignore them and they'll go away? No, that's for bullies.
Maybe some of these guys need their brake lines cut every once in a while.
Do these Clampett neighbors ever have any wild parties out by the cement pond?
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