Fuck it. I'm going to the Bahamas.

It's been a long, hard summer. I'm the first to admit that this visit with Step-son was very likely one of the most challenging things I've ever had to journey through.

I am mentally and emotionally drained. Tomorrow morning, Main Man and I are flying Step-son back to the Bahamas to his mom. I don't usually accompany Main Man on these hand-off trips, but this time, I'm in need of some serious fun and escape.

So we're meeting up with about a dozen friends tomorrow night in Nassau for dinner. Friends I haven't seen in 7 years. Friends with whom I laugh until I pee my pants.

There have been a few hilarious incidents I've wanted to share here over the past few weeks, but I never seemed to find the time to post them. One in particular still causes me to blush and giggle. In a nutshell, it involves a customer whose last name is "Fuchs", and I emailed him a couple of times.... and types his name.... incorrectly.... you know where this is going.

Another involved a round of golf played with a very young and VERY shy young man. He was one of the teenagers that work at the club. I was teeing off alone early one day, and we were paired up at the last minute. I was walking the course, but he was driving a cart. The ground was very wet, and every time he brought the cart to a complete stop, it would skid for about 2 seconds. The skid would result in the most geniune, loud, and unfortunate fart sound ever made. Like a whoopie cushion attached to a megaphone. And every time, as I watched him disembark from the cart, I just knew he wanted very badly to explain that the sound was coming from the cart, not him. But he was just too shy to mention it. And I enjoyed the whole scene way too much to bother putting him at ease.

Tell you what... I'll go decompress in Nassau, and then I'll come back and tell you more. mmmkay?

Separated at birth... ?

I can't help it. They're both in the news today.

Add some stubble to one, a little lipstick to the other, and voila....

Hello, my name is Berry, and I am a Facebook addict.

Wow.

I have found more long-lost friends in the last 24 hours than I possibly could have in a month of intense non-Facebook-related searching. It's fucking awesome!

But... I wonder what'll happen when we're all caught up, with nothing new to say? I mean... we drifted apart in the first place, right? So when all the excitement dies down, and we all start getting back into our routines, will we suddenly remember why we were no longer in touch? Or is Facebook really the magical tool that'll bring us pals together again forever and ever?

Time will tell...

"I don't like that"

It's amazing we even survive as a species. Children, apparently, don't like to eat anything. I have compiled a list of things Step-Son won't eat, in order to be more efficient at the grocery store.

Armed with this, I came back from the store yesterday with frozen chicken nuggets, Kraft Dinner, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal.

That's it. That's all he'll eat, without coersion.

Oh, and ketchup. Lots and lots of ketchup.

He won't eat toast, but he'll eat a grilled cheese... with ketchup. He won't eat pizza with stuff on it (I know!), but he'll eat a cheese pizza, which is basically a grilled cheese with ketchup.

He won't eat peanut butter nor any kind of jelly or jam... says he can't stand the stuff.... but he'll eat bread (not toast) and Goobers, which isn't peanut butter or jelly at all.

(sigh)

I've been upgraded

I don't know what I did, or what I said, but suddenly, I'm cool again.

Where I used to get rolling eyes, I now get a bright friendly smile. Where I used to get the sulky silent treatment, I now get full-blown animated conversations. Where I used to get the cold shoulder, I now get a shadow following me places, wanting my company.

Seriously. This pre-adolescence stuff is fuuuuucked up. It sure is incredibly heart-warming to get upgraded, though. I guess it kinda makes the smarmy stuff easier to tolerate.

Wonder how long it'll last before I'm downgraded to the Stupid Adult level again.

Wait... when did August get here??

My, how time flies when you don't know what the fuck you're doing.

I can now confirm without a doubt that 12-year-olds are infinitely more difficult to connect with than kiddies aged, say, not 12 years old.

What a challenge this summer is turning out to be. Suddenly, everything is "boring", "stupid", and Step-Son knows everything there is to know about everything in the entire universe.

Thing is, we don't get the benefit of normal parents who may enter this stage gradually with their young'uns. Because we see Step-Son only once a year, we get the updated version of last year's personality without any practice or warning. (Under normal circumstances, we'd get to communicate with him regularly throughout the year, and in doing so might pick up on the subtle changes and brace ourselves accordingly. But his mom's a psycho bitch, so anything "normal" is thrown out the window, and communication is sporadic at best).

I have to admit that I have spent a considerable amount of time during this visit daydreaming about what it's going to be like when he's 15, 16, 17, and (gulp) 18. I have decided that unless I pick up some tricks and wisdom on how to be a step-parent to a troubled teenager being raised by a pyscho bitch mom, then I will FOR SURE be drinking again before long.

On a side note, I am detecting a brilliantly dry humour developing in my boyfriend's spawn, and when we can get past all this pre-adolescence and full-adolescence crap, we'll be able to trade sarcastic and witty remarks and laugh our asses off. Right now, though, the sarcasm tastes a little too much like smart-assery, and it's not so cute.

On a side-side note, I played the best round of golf in my entire life last weekend.

So, there's always that.