Tuesday, February 28, 2006

They're a little bit country...

The girls on American Idol don't yet have publicists, but someone must have told them to vie for the country vote tonight. As I am not a country music fan by any means, tonight was a bit of a yawner for me. My take on tonight's performances:

Katharine McPhee, daughter of voice coach: Song was a snoozer; she was all over the place vocally. Yuck. Plus she gets on my nerves. I think she's on speed.

Kinnik Sky: She went for the country vote, bless her heart. She was all costumed up... the only thing missing was the holster and lasso. I liked her last week, but I think she countrified her way home tonight. (Don't try to figure it out... I made that word up.)

Lisa Tucker: I've been a fan since the beginning, and I think she'll go a long way in this, but for the first time tonight, I noticed she didn't have much power to her voice. Like it needs a volume knob or something.

Melissa McGhee (who?): Yeah, exactly. She's more or less coming out of the woodwork, but she still has lots of work to do to get people to remember she's even part of this competition. Awesome voice, though; raspy and powerful. She should be singing rock, but she at least pulled off the country thing tonight. Made Kinnik's attempt look very lame and obvious. And she didn't even have a lasso.

Heather Cox: I just can't take her seriously. She looks too much like Fez's crazy girlfriend from a few seasons ago. Anyway, she made the cardinal sin of singing Mariah's song. Tsk. Tsk. Goodbye, Heather.

Brenna Gethers: Funny. I just noticed her name says "Get hers". Anyway... This girl really needs to come out of her shell. Holy crap she's annoying. I wish Simon would stop harping on her, though, because it might generate sympathy votes, and then we'll never get rid of her. Was it just me, or did the dress and the white shoes make her look like a man in drag?

Paris: The next American Idol, biding her time with the imposters.

Ayla Brown (basketball girl): I missed the first half of her song because Canadian TV sucks, but she sounded okay from what I did manage to catch. She's missing something, though... some color? Some expression? Maybe some lips? I didn't dig the Nellie Olsen hair at all. (If you're too young to remember Nellie Olsen, look up Little House on the Prairie.)

Kellie (with an "ie") Pickler: She sang a country song, which we all knew would be right up her alley. She sounded good, but I was distracted by her deer-in-headlights look... she's always got some sort of confused or frightened expression when she sings. It's weird. But she's cute, and she's dumb, so she'll be around for a while.

Mandisa: Completely lovable, this one. This woman can sing anything... plus she's smart, mature, and funny. She's soooo not A.I. material. But hey... she made the dog jaw joke famous. She'll make it big outside the realm of A.I., but she'll be on the show for a good long while still.

Paula's pet word for the day: "Unique". (Please contact me if you would like to make a contribution to the Expand Paula's Vocabulary Fund)

Monday, February 27, 2006

Moving on...

Phew. I'm all Olympic'd out. I watched the closing ceremonies, hoping they'd be better than the opening ceremonies. (Why do they call them ceremonies... isn't it just one great big ceremony??). But the closing was just as drawn-out and needlessly detailed as the opening.

I've heard comments about how "amazing" the shows were, but I think people who say that didn't actually watch, and want to appear as though they watched, so they say how "amazing" it was.

Me? I found both to be infested with the smallest of details that just don't work on such a large scale. I mean, the attention given to a single person's costume and make-up seemed ridiculous. All those people milling around, acting out little scenes and plays like it was a Theatre in the Park festival. Ugh... please. make. it. go. faster.

A couple of things truly were amazing, though... like the group of people moving together to act out the motions of a ski jumper on the stadium floor during the opening, and the dudes flinging themselves into an upward jetstream to float around like doves during the closing. Now that was cool.

Oh, and how stupid does Ricky Martin feel today? He's the only performer who lip-sync'd, and got nabbed on camera by forgetting to bring the mic back up to his mouth. Then, realizing 1/2-way through the lyric that he should be singing, he moved so fast to bring the mic to his mouth that he nearly rammed it up his nose. (Was he surprised there were lyrics at that moment? He sure looked surprised.)

Now that Torino has passed, I can turn my attention to more important things. Like American Idol, for instance. We've already given the boot to 4 contestants, and I haven't had a chance to come here and laugh at them yet! (dammit) I won't let another 4 slip past. At least there's always Paula...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

American Idol

Oh-ho-ho man I've got lots to say about this first night of the top 24, but I'll have to come back to write more.

For now, my first prediction is that Paula Abdul will receive a letter from Tim Burton's people, thanking her for her audition efforts, but they're not, in fact, planning on filming another Planet of the Apes remake.

You can let your hair down now, Paula. (No... seriously... what the hell was that???)

Friday, February 17, 2006

They both missed the bus (WARNING: more Olympic yammering)

During the men's final freeskate yesterday in Torino, all eyes were on two medal contenders, both Olympic rookies: The American Johnny Weir, and the Canadian Emanuel Sandhu.

Everyone knew they were skating for silver at best; the Russian had already secured the gold on Tuesday during the short program. Hey, he's a cool guy, and an awesome skater. He deserved to be the top banana. But anyway...

As a fellow Canadian, I've followed Sandhu's career for several years. To call the guy a diva is an understatement. His skating is terribly inconsistent. When he's on, he's so on, but when he's not, then you can bet your ass that it's someone else's fault.

He sucked during his short program, and then vacuumed (because sucking is just not strong enough a word) during the freeskate. He was interviewed after his performance on Thursday, and blamed it all... the whole thing... the entire mess... on 1998.

That's right. 1998. The year that he was denied a spot on the Canadian Olympic team because the Canadian powers that be felt he simply wasn't ready. Somehow, that decision caused him to:

1. Back out of his quads and triple jumps while in the air
2. Fall
3. Back out of jumps again
4. Fall again
5. and again
6. Trip over himself
7. Ignore the audience (and judges) and pout during his skate

Wow. Those Canadian Olympic committee people have some incredible powers. Holy shit, do NOT get on their bad side!

I was so uncomfortable watching that interview. I would have preferred that he come straight out and say "I fucked up. I know I did. I gotta work on my attitude. It gets in my way."

His skating skills are just fine. Really, they're more than fine. The guy's a natural. But he could use some serious work with a sports psychologist. Then again, he's probably a sports shrink's worst nightmare... the athlete who thinks he's doing everything right; it's just that the whole world is conspiring to make him lose. If only they'd stop doing that.

As for the American kid, Johnny Weir, everything I heard him say during interviews indicated he's got the true makings of a champion. He never once blamed anyone else on his poor performance on Thursday. Well, he did mention something about the bus schedule being changed without his knowledge, causing him to get to the arena late, causing him to be flustered and uncentered, causing him to miss jumps and try to re-choreograph his routine while on the ice.

Now that could sound like an excuse, but what he said next was the sign of a champion: I've got to train better; I've got to be ready to perform under any circumstances.

Atta boy.

Tim Dahlberg's commentary on msnbc.com describes the kid as a self-centered diva who got in his own way. I think he's wrong. Weir's flamboyant, yes. But I see signs of maturity there that will take the boy far. One day, he'll own that rink. He's got the right attitude for it.

Before I go, I must give a "Wooooo-hoooo!!!" to Canada's Jeff Buttle for bringing home the bronze!!!!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Fizzle fizzle...

Rumour: TomKat has split, but they're staying together for a few more months for appearances. And for the baby. And for appearances for the baby.

True? Hard to tell. They're so private, those two.

Pass the puck, please...

Is anyone watching the Olympic coverage? It seems that when I bring up the latest news out of Torino, I'm met with a blank stare or a bored shrug.

Well I'm gonna write about the games anyway. Particularly, about the Canadian women's hockey team. Oh yeah. Those gals. They're kicking ass over there (woo-hoo!), and they're kicking it so badly, they're actually being criticized for it.

Some have even suggested they should tone it down a notch or five... maybe not score so much. Are you kidding me?

I can't wait to watch the Canada/U.S. women's match. I just know it's gonna be good.