3 more days to go

Have spent the week at my in-laws'.

'Nuff said.

Summer school

So far, during this rainy, cold, miserable excuse for a summer, I've learned several things that I'm sure will serve me later in life.

Or not.

But still, I'm picking up knowledge about the world around me, and more importantly... about myself. In my usual manner, I am here to share my findings with you, so that you too may benefit at some point during your own life.

Or not.

1. You may remember some of the important lessons I've picked up on the golf course regarding golf course-y wildlife. Well, I recently came across another little gem. The following is not just an "old, graying gopher" afterall. Noooooooo... it sure isn't. Have a look for yourself:






Yes, it's a fucking porcupine alright. Did you know that porcupines have these porcupicky thingies all over their bodies designed to enter your body and cause much pain if Mr. Porcupicky gets a little spooked? Yes, of course you do. But just in case you didn't, have a good look at this image, and remember it well. If you're carrying a golf club when you run into one, don't wave it around and make loud noises, mmmkay? Just sayin'...

2. I caught something on TV the other day that resulted in my learning something quite shocking about myself. While channel surfing, (I swear) I accidentally landed on the new Victoria Beckham reality show, Coming to America. I (accidentally) watched the whole thing, and finally had to admit: I like her. She's fabulous! She drives me up the wall, but I could totally hang out with her. She comes across as an incredibly good sport, and I think that's pretty cool.

3. Step-Son arrived on Monday for his 7-week stay. I've discovered something terribly significant so far: 11-going-on-12-year-old boys are not much into hanging out with 40-year-old chicks. No sirree. It may be a long 7 weeks, unless I can get creative. Really creative. And fast.

The sunny, warm weather normally associated with summer FINALLY arrived two days ago following a month-long crap-fest. Hopefully, that means some summery adventures are just around the corner. Woo-hoo!

If I were a superhero, I would...

Roam the streets and parking lots, freeing all the dogs left in cars with the windows "cracked open" in the sweltering heat.

Then I would round up all the owners, put choke collars on them (who the fuck still uses choke collars???), tie their hands behind their backs so they can only use their mouths, place them in a locked car under the noon-hour sun, "crack the windows open".... No, wait... "crack only one window open" (because it seems to be enough for some dogs, right?), and then leave them there to bake while their dogs run around in air-conditioned stores.

That's what I'd do.

My Favourite Expressions, Vol. 6

Heard today: It takes two to tangle.

Heard last week: We'll keep a record of it for prosperity.

Now THAT's refreshing!

Product: Fresca
Flavor: Grapefruit-ish
Level of bubbles: High
Consequence: Really loud burps
Fun?: Oh yes!
Last enjoyed by Berry: 12:31pm, July 5, 2007

When did you last enjoy a Fresca? (The previous question was asked in the midst of one continuous burp)

Play nice

I handle customer service for Main Man's bidness. I'm brilliant at it, if I do say so myself. I'm incredibly upbeat, polite, funny, thoughtful, and insanely efficient. People hum the Brady Bunch's "Sunshine Day" when they're done talking with me.

Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.

But once in a very long while, I come across a customer that I just can't kill please. Today was one of those moments. I answered the phone, and things deteriorated at dizzying speeds from that moment on.

I was dealing with one of those completely, hopelessly, and eternally irrational people. As an example, I was yelled at.... YELLED at.... and entirely blamed for the fact that FedEx will not be working on July 4th. Oh, and also because yesterday was Monday and not Tuesday.

........... wtf?


Exactly.

I tried my very best. I honestly did. But soon, I was pushed a little too far, and I just lost interest in fixing this guy's problem. Soon after that, he escalated his attack and got personal. So I took it a step further too, and against my better judgment, resorted to rudeness and complacency. Before I could stop myself, I went over the edge, and turned to the best weapon ever: Sarcasm.

He hung up.

But MAN, my last comeback was a gem. I'd tell you about it, but first I'd have to give you a whole lot of history, explanation, and context, and well... that would just suck the humour right out of it.

So my message here is this: If you're really pissed about something and need to call customer service, keep your anger and arrogance in check, because I guarantee you it will get you nowhere.

Just sayin'...